Why so Judgy?

Hi all! Nice to have you here again! I’m thrilled with the response my blog has gotten so far—and I haven’t even written the juicy stuff yet!

Something interesting has been happening with me since I started writing the blog. I’ve noticed that my thoughts on certain subjects have changed considerably. My friend Dan has been telling me to keep peeling the onion, and I’m definitely doing that: The more I peel back the layers, the more I discover how I really feel about things.

I actually thought I knew how I felt about things, but honestly, even after 12 years out of Scientology, there are some DEEP, DEEP, DEEP-seated beliefs that I didn’t know I was still holding on to.

Here’s one of them: Judging others. As a Scientologist, it’s part of your DNA. I learned pretty quickly that anyone who didn’t want to be a Scientologist clearly had a deep personality deficiency that prevented them from seeing the truth.

We judged everyone. That’s just how it was. I’m sure it’s that way in every cult, similar to the “Us vs Them” that I wrote about in an earlier blog post.

I’m still judging people. I’m not proud of it.

Here’s a not-so-great example: I was reading a book by a highly successful direct-response copywriter—in fact, one of the top copywriters in the business. In one section of the book he talks about “recommended books” and one of the books on the list is Dianetics. I immediately stopped reading.

Why? Just because he suggested Dianetics? Millions of people have picked up that book and read it over the years. That doesn’t mean they’re all terrible people. But I immediately made assumptions based on my own prejudices.

So now, because of my judgement of him, I haven’t read what I’m sure are some really valuable lessons on persuasive copywriting. Well, damn! I threw out the baby with the bathwater again.

I was reading something recently by Brené Brown in her book, Daring Greatly. She wrote:

“…research tells us that we judge people in areas where we’re vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we’re doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices. If I feel good about my body, I don’t go around making fun of other people’s weight or appearance. We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived shaming deficiency.”

Well, I’m certainly vulnerable to shame when it comes to Scientology. This blog is helping me through that. But now I can see why I would try to pick apart someone for recommending Dianetics. It’s actually ridiculous when I look at it. It’s the same thing I was doing when I was in Scientology, but the tables are turned now.

ENOUGH.

This judgy stuff has to stop.

We all judge each other every day, I know. But what would it be like if we didn’t? Imagine how much better we’d get along if we just took a few minutes to try to figure out why someone acted or felt a certain way, instead of immediately judging them?

Empathy is a wonderful thing.

Here’s another example. My brother was a died-in-the-wool Trump supporter, and I judged him for that. I spoke badly of him because of that. Now he’s gone. What a waste of time and energy.

Like I’ve said from the beginning, I’m going to be real in this blog. I’m not proud of the way I judged him. It’s a hard lesson to learn.

Maybe it’s something we all can learn. Today, try to be a little less judgmental. Then tomorrow, maybe a little less than that. Who knows? We just might end up happier with ourselves in the process.

 

 

 

One thought on “Why so Judgy?

  1. I emphatically echo everything you say. There are always reasons why people think and act as they do and who are we to say they are wrong just because it is not consistent with our thinking. What’s more, we can often learn from the other person’s point of view. Great blog.

    Like

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